And so it begins... And a Reunion of Old Friends!

I was cuddling Ally the other night before bed, sitting in my rocking chair.  She's been getting really wiggly at night, trying to find a comfortable spot on my lap.  She ended up almost standing up, sliding back, and plopping down - right on my tummy.  Jacob kicked her.  I don't think she noticed, but I sure felt it!  It cracked me up, and reminded me of growing up with my two younger brothers.  I knew there would be some fighting and jealousy, but I wasn't expecting it to start this early! 

Ally is officially 18 months old.  Hooray for nursery!  Though she didn't go last week because she had a cold, so we took her home early. Next week though - Ernest and I both should get to attend both of our classes at church.  I am looking forward to it.  And Ally seems to really enjoy nursery.  Some other fun stuff that's been happening:

Helping Mommy clean

Chasing Bubbles (she would always go after the "one" bubble, ignoring the hundreds right behind her)

Vrooming around the kitchen with her toy cars.  She also likes to watch racing with her Daddy.

As for the reunion - first I have to explain that when I was 10 or 11, a new family moved in to our ward in Paola.  They had a daughter my age.  I'm not sure how it all started, but somehow Amy, Ayslin, and I began doing things together and became really good friends.  Best friends.  We spent weekends at each others houses, went on trips with each others families, and in general were together a LOT.  Amy was a serious violin student who left for Russia when she was 18 to study.  Ayslin was a great flutist and went to Wichita State for flute performance.  I played the piano (haven't really played in years though, so don't get any ideas) and didn't really know what I wanted, so moved into an apartment in Olathe and began working full time and attending the Singles Ward.  We all started to grow apart and talked to each other less and less.  Ayslin and I kept in contact the most, though it was still hit and miss for a few years.  But this summer...  The Three Little Deers (what our parents called us) have been reunited!  I got Amy's phone number from Ayslin, who got it from her Mom who got it from Amy's Dad.  Or something like that.  Anyway, Amy was thinking of coming back to Kansas, and after I talked with her she decided it was a great time to come on back.  She came up and stayed with us for a couple of weeks while she's getting her plan set up and getting settled.  Don't you love those friendships that just don't really change.  I was a little nervous when Ayslin and I went to pick up Amy at the bus station.  But I shouldn't have been.  These last couple of weeks - I haven't laughed so much.  Especially when Ayslin comes up.  The three of us always had fun even when it was just the two of us.  But when you put all three of us together....  Ernest asked if we should be allowed to get together unsupervised.  We've already had an invisible Blockbuster, a confused GPS (couldn't find Price Chopper), discovered the World's Best Pizza (Papa Murphy's Chicago Style Stuffed Pizza), the best homemade fajitas and salsa (Thank you, Ace!), and I haven't laughed so hard watching cows race each other (wii games).  So much fun!  Ally has enjoyed having another visitor at the house.  She can even say Amy's name - it comes out something like "Meme" but you know who she's talking about!

Hands of Time

Have you ever watched the hands of a clock move inexorably forward?  We have a clock on the bathroom wall, theoretically to help us not be late.  I was getting out of the shower the other day and noticed the clock up there.  I must have zoned out, because before I knew it the seconds hand had ticked away almost a minute.  That was a minute I'd never get back.  A few seconds that I was standing alone in my bathroom.  I could hear Allyson and Ernest playing in the living room.  A minute I wasn't with them.  A minute I wasn't doing anything but being lost in my own thoughts.  It made me think again about how easy it is to waste time.  And how easy it is to get caught up - not necessarily wasting time, but maybe not spending our time on things that matter the most.

I am so grateful that my family is sealed together for time and eternity.  Eternity is a long time.  But I don't want to miss out on the moments that make up eternity.  My baby girl is only 1 once.  I'm only pregnant with Jacob once.  I'll only get to feel him move inside of me and know that he is well and healthy at the moment, once.  Eternity is infathomable, but it is made up of moments.  And those moments are fleeting. 

All of these things went through my mind as I watched the seconds hand on a clock tick by 60 seconds, marking off one of those moments.  I got out of the shower, went and gave my little girl a little snuggle and kiss, and my husband a bigger snuggle and kiss. 

Baby Update!

Ernest and I went to Rob's house (one of my brothers) Tuesday night to get a blessing, since our ultrasound was on Wednesday.  We didn't get a lot of answers, but the experience was amazing we both felt so much more calm afterwards.  I love having the priesthood in my family and home!  I don't recognize it as often as I should.  But anyway, back to the baby.

First, in my head, he has a name.  Jacob Ernest.  It is so funny to me to have a name this early.  With Allyson we were so careful not to call her by a name until after she was born.  We were 99% sure she was going to be Allyson, but still, you never know.  This time though, I just keep referring to him as Jacob.  It was Ernest's suggestion as a name and I loved it.  Named after Jacob, Nephi's younger brother.  He is one of my favorite Book of Mormon prophets.  So our little guy has a name now and it seems so natural to use it when we refer to him.

So, on to the appointment.  Ernest got to go with me, which was nice.  In general I enjoy ultrasounds, since I feel like I get to "peek" into the baby's world. The doctor went through the list three times, each time with a "good" following what he was looking at.  "Heart - good.  Feet - good.  Eyes - good.  Mouth - good." and so on, each time getting more and more detailed.  Jacob didn't want to open his hands (which I found ironic since the previous tech made such a big deal about his hands being open).  Finally at the end, Jacob opened his hands and gave the doctor a great view of them.  To me, it looked like he was waving.  His hands/fingers were also good.  He's measuring 6 days ahead (approx. Dec 23), at 1 lb 1 oz and 11 inches long.  The doctor said that changed our chances of having a problem from 4 in 100 to 1 out of 301.  So much better.  Though I keep having that nagging thought that "there is that 1."  But then I go back to the blessing and remembering what I was told there and the feelings I had.

I am so grateful that everything looked good at the ultrasound.  The doctor said that we could do an amniocentesis if we wanted, to find out for sure if our baby has spina bifida, Down syndrome, or Trisomy 18.  He asked if it would make a difference to us if we had a positive result.  It wouldn't, other than possibly changing the amount of stress right now.  Amnios, in rare cases, can cause you to miscarry, even if the baby is perfect.  Our chances of having a baby with a problem were already made more favorable for us, I do not see the need to reduce those chances.  Again, the blessing that I had helped this a lot.  I have been feeling a lot less stress and more patience.  Since we declined the amnio, the only other thing that they can check that could possibly indicate a problem is to watch how the baby grows.  Babies with Trisomy 18 don't like to grow.  We have a follow-up appointment in 6 weeks where they will check how Jacob is growing, the status of the cysts, and how my amniotic fluid is doing.  We had low fluid during the third trimester with Allyson, which caused her growth to slow down.  She was still perfect, just a little smaller (6 lbs 9 oz) at birth, and they induced us 2 weeks early because of it.

Great news for us, and we are waiting to see how the rest of the pregnancy plays out.  I am getting so excited to have a little boy.  I'm beginning to remember what it was like to cuddle a new born baby and to nurse.  It was quite nice when Ally weaned herself from breastfeeding at 11 months, but I did enjoy the closeness and connection it allowed.  After the appointment, I met my sister for lunch and then we went shopping.  I got several little outfits (all newborn and 3 months), and mostly Sleep'n'Plays - all for little Jacob.  It was quite fun and I can't wait to get the room set up for him!

Great News! (and some unknowns...)

Well, we finally made it to our sonogram this week, at 20 weeks.  This pregnancy has just flown by (in spite of being sick the first 16 weeks) and I've been trying to patiently wait for our sonogram.  A couple of things we were looking for.  First, and probably most obviously, was gender.  We would have been happy with either a boy or a girl, but a boy would be nice because there aren't many male Kelso's left to carry on the line.  I've been thinking the whole time that it's a boy.  And we were pleasantly surprised!  Baby Kelso was shy at first.  I think he was just waiting for Daddy to get into the room, because as soon as Ernest walked in, the next picture the tech got was of the little boy parts.  So, that is the happy news.  We were also very curious about how my amniotic fluid was doing so far.  With Allyson they diagnosed us with low fluid towards the end of our second trimester, and we were curious how we were doing so far.  Everything looks normal in that department too, which was great news.

Then, to some not so great news.  At least, it might not be so great.  This is part of the problem.  I can be patient, but if I have unknowns going on, I am not patient at all.  They found two "bilateral choroid plexus cysts" on the baby's brain.  This in and of itself isn't a huge deal.  From what the doctor said (and I admit, I did look up a couple of things on babyzone.com and webmd.com), this is fairly common and usually resolves itself by the third trimester.  No problem, right?  Well, they also look for other symptoms like an abnormal heart, neck thickness, deformed hands and feet, among other things.  The doctor said that everything else looked perfect.  Except....the baby had his hands open for part of the exam.  How could something so innocent indicate a potential problem?  Ernest was excited that he got to see that the baby had 5 fingers, not realizing it was a bad thing that we got to see it.  But, apparently another "marker" is that they baby doesn't open and close their hands well, and since most babies at 20 weeks have their hands closed most of the time....I am praying that it was just a case of bad timing.

From what I understand of the cysts, in around 3% of cases with them the baby may have Edward Syndrome, and in 0.5% the baby will have Down Syndrome.  I don't know much about either disorder, and to be honest don't want to know much about them until we have our Level II sonogram next Wednesday.  They're going to go in depth with measuring and evaluating the baby physically to see if there is anything else going on that could indicate a potential problem later. 

By the way, it is not fair to add stress to a pregnanty woman's life.  :)  I think that I would be much more rational about it if I didn't have all of these extra hormones bouncing around my body.  Case in point-

Last night I went shopping with my sister-in-law, Liz.  We purposefully waited til Wednesday to go, hoping that I'd know what gender we were having and I could get a cute outfit or two.  I thought I was doing pretty well, until we got to the baby department.  I got to look at all of the cute little boy clothes, and even picked out a few outfits (one said "Handsome Like Daddy" and would have been a perfect going-home-from-hospital outfit).  I carried them around the store for a bit, but then it hit me.  I managed to keep from crying (mostly) and put them all back.  I just couldn't buy anything yet until I know more.  I love my baby boy and desperately want him to be healthy and whole.  I know the odds are for me, and there's no sense in getting worked up ovoer "what-ifs."  But, it's been on my mind lately even before our ultrasound.  Three of my friends have had complications in their pregnancies in recent weeks/months, and I keep thinking of what they had to go through.  I thought I was empathetic before, but this has exposed a whole new level.  I just read Meredith's post discussing mothers that know they will lose their baby, and those who didn't know.  I've had similar thoughts recently, and most especially since our ultrasound yesterday.  Based on my response last night, not being able to purchase anything for my boy, I think I'd prefer to know - good news or bad.

Anyway.  We are so excited for a baby boy.  Ally will be such a good sister.  Ernest is a wonderful Dad and he will do just as well with a little boy.  Now, just to be patient, and know that Heavenly Father is in charge of whatever happens.  Hopefully this is just something that will help me appreciate how perfect Allyson is and how blessed we are, and then be grateful that we get to do it again with a new little spirit.  Or, it may be a different kind of experience that our Father has in mind for us.  I am a very visual person, especially with abstract ideas.  I've been thinking since yesterday afternoon that I can feel, and almost see, my Heavenly Father standing beside me, just behind me, listening to me and ready to put his hand on my shoulder.  There with me going through the worries, thoughts, and rationalizations with me.  He knows my heart, and I know He is there.  I am trying so hard to just pray, and then not worry, turning it over to Him and trusting that He knows what is best for my little family.

The last couple of weeks

Ally is becoming my little helper.  I was sorting laundry this week, and needed to take a load downstairs to get it started.  She's been quite attached and doesn't like being in a room alone, so I wanted to distract her so I could get the clothes down the stairs and the door closed before she followed me.  There was a pile of whites on the floor, and her small hamper from her room next to it.  I grabbed a couple of socks, said "Ally, put the clothes in here!" and dropped the socks in.  She got the idea of the game pretty quickly.  I ran out of the room while she was putting t-shirts and assorted other things in the hamper.  I was downstairs all of 2 minutes and back upstairs, wondering why I hadn't either heard her cry or bang on the basement door calling "Mama!" (she does this when I'm in the bathroom too).  It was suspiciously quiet, and I didn't see her in the bedroom anywhere.  I called her name, and her head popped up on the other side of the bed.  She came carting back around the bed carrying a tshirt and socks that I had missed.  She had taken nearly all of the white clothes and put them in the hamper, and had continued to find more.  That's my girl!  I'm sure it was just a coincidence, but the clothes she was bringing around were even white!

One of my dear friends, Alacia, came to visit us for a few days while she was passing through the area.  We had a great time hanging out with her.  She and I hadn't been together for more than a couple of hours since before Ernest and I got married.  Ally just loved her.  While Alacia was here, we all took a trip to Adam-ondi-ahman.  I hadn't been there in several years and it was Ernest's first trip.  Here are a few pictures from Alacia's visit as well as our trip to Daviess County. 

The Valley

We found a caterpillar.  Ally was quite intrigued.

I love these guys!

Ally putting off bedtime by playing with Alacia's shoes. 

Ally loves her Daddy.

She also loves her Daddy's shoes.

She likes to build a "nest" when it's bedtime.  This one happened to be in my lap.  I'm starting to notice it being harder to keep her, the pillow, and all of the blankets in my lap now that my tummy is growing.  Tonight we tried it, and I could feel the baby kicking.  I'm guessing s/he was feeling a bit squished!

Here she is moving her nest to the kitchen floor while I was making dinner.

The Halloween costume that we bought for Ally last year to wear this year.  We got 24 months thinking that would be plenty big (she'd be 20-ish months).  Little did we know about how kids grow...  This little girl started out at 6 lbs 9 oz and is now 30 lbs and outgrowing her 24 months clothes.  We decided that we should try it on her before she totally outgrew it!  It's a warm outfit, so Ally got tired of it rather quickly.  I like to think that she is growling in the picture, but actually she is letting us know it's getting hot and she wanted it off. 

And that's about it for what I have pictures for.  Some other fun things that I haven't caught on camera yet.  First, Ally has discovered how to pick her nose.  Welcome to the glamorous world of kid-hood.  Last night Ernest and I got to go on a well-overdue date.  We saw Despicable Me (and remembered again why going to the theater is way overrated for the amount of money it costs!), and then went to Barnes and Noble.  I bought "The Baby Whisperer" and a bedtime book for Allyson.  Ernest got one of his beloved fantasy/sci-fi novels.  My sister, JoAnn, watched Allyson for us so we could get some adult time.  It was so nice!  We ended the evening by playing a few games with JoAnn, Martha, Hawk, and Kathy.  They had been watching a DVD, and when it finished the screensaver came on.  In this case it was the word "APEX" bouncing around on the TV.  It caught Ally's attention and she went to stand in front of the TV. Then she surprised us all by trying to catch the word on the screen.  It was like watching a cat chase a shadow.  I have no idea what she was thinking, but it was pretty funny to watch.  JoAnn caught it on video, and I'll have to get a copy.

In all, we've had some fun times lately, which is a good counter-pointe to the stress I've been feeling about dealing with the future.  Things are balancing out and my sense of optimism is returning.  I am so grateful for my family and the friends that we have around us.  They really are blessings!