Great News! (and some unknowns...)

Well, we finally made it to our sonogram this week, at 20 weeks.  This pregnancy has just flown by (in spite of being sick the first 16 weeks) and I've been trying to patiently wait for our sonogram.  A couple of things we were looking for.  First, and probably most obviously, was gender.  We would have been happy with either a boy or a girl, but a boy would be nice because there aren't many male Kelso's left to carry on the line.  I've been thinking the whole time that it's a boy.  And we were pleasantly surprised!  Baby Kelso was shy at first.  I think he was just waiting for Daddy to get into the room, because as soon as Ernest walked in, the next picture the tech got was of the little boy parts.  So, that is the happy news.  We were also very curious about how my amniotic fluid was doing so far.  With Allyson they diagnosed us with low fluid towards the end of our second trimester, and we were curious how we were doing so far.  Everything looks normal in that department too, which was great news.

Then, to some not so great news.  At least, it might not be so great.  This is part of the problem.  I can be patient, but if I have unknowns going on, I am not patient at all.  They found two "bilateral choroid plexus cysts" on the baby's brain.  This in and of itself isn't a huge deal.  From what the doctor said (and I admit, I did look up a couple of things on babyzone.com and webmd.com), this is fairly common and usually resolves itself by the third trimester.  No problem, right?  Well, they also look for other symptoms like an abnormal heart, neck thickness, deformed hands and feet, among other things.  The doctor said that everything else looked perfect.  Except....the baby had his hands open for part of the exam.  How could something so innocent indicate a potential problem?  Ernest was excited that he got to see that the baby had 5 fingers, not realizing it was a bad thing that we got to see it.  But, apparently another "marker" is that they baby doesn't open and close their hands well, and since most babies at 20 weeks have their hands closed most of the time....I am praying that it was just a case of bad timing.

From what I understand of the cysts, in around 3% of cases with them the baby may have Edward Syndrome, and in 0.5% the baby will have Down Syndrome.  I don't know much about either disorder, and to be honest don't want to know much about them until we have our Level II sonogram next Wednesday.  They're going to go in depth with measuring and evaluating the baby physically to see if there is anything else going on that could indicate a potential problem later. 

By the way, it is not fair to add stress to a pregnanty woman's life.  :)  I think that I would be much more rational about it if I didn't have all of these extra hormones bouncing around my body.  Case in point-

Last night I went shopping with my sister-in-law, Liz.  We purposefully waited til Wednesday to go, hoping that I'd know what gender we were having and I could get a cute outfit or two.  I thought I was doing pretty well, until we got to the baby department.  I got to look at all of the cute little boy clothes, and even picked out a few outfits (one said "Handsome Like Daddy" and would have been a perfect going-home-from-hospital outfit).  I carried them around the store for a bit, but then it hit me.  I managed to keep from crying (mostly) and put them all back.  I just couldn't buy anything yet until I know more.  I love my baby boy and desperately want him to be healthy and whole.  I know the odds are for me, and there's no sense in getting worked up ovoer "what-ifs."  But, it's been on my mind lately even before our ultrasound.  Three of my friends have had complications in their pregnancies in recent weeks/months, and I keep thinking of what they had to go through.  I thought I was empathetic before, but this has exposed a whole new level.  I just read Meredith's post discussing mothers that know they will lose their baby, and those who didn't know.  I've had similar thoughts recently, and most especially since our ultrasound yesterday.  Based on my response last night, not being able to purchase anything for my boy, I think I'd prefer to know - good news or bad.

Anyway.  We are so excited for a baby boy.  Ally will be such a good sister.  Ernest is a wonderful Dad and he will do just as well with a little boy.  Now, just to be patient, and know that Heavenly Father is in charge of whatever happens.  Hopefully this is just something that will help me appreciate how perfect Allyson is and how blessed we are, and then be grateful that we get to do it again with a new little spirit.  Or, it may be a different kind of experience that our Father has in mind for us.  I am a very visual person, especially with abstract ideas.  I've been thinking since yesterday afternoon that I can feel, and almost see, my Heavenly Father standing beside me, just behind me, listening to me and ready to put his hand on my shoulder.  There with me going through the worries, thoughts, and rationalizations with me.  He knows my heart, and I know He is there.  I am trying so hard to just pray, and then not worry, turning it over to Him and trusting that He knows what is best for my little family.