4 month stats!

Jacob was 4 months old on May 2nd.  Here's how he's faring-
16 lbs 4 oz - 80%
26.5 inches long - 90%
17 inch head circumfrence - 80%

He's the size of a 6 month old.  A little awkward since he can't sit up well yet.  He's starting to babble.  I love hearing that sweet little voice - saying "dadadadada" and "bababababa."  He's taken to smiling at Ally when she comes over to talk with him.  He's also starting to mimic some sounds.

Ally is still quite taken with him, constantly saying, "Aw, JJ cute!"  And the one that still cracks me up - when he's nursing she'll come up and say, "JJ eat Mama's boob!"  Recently it's become "JJ eat Mama's TWO boobs!"

Estes Park

I enjoy weddings.  There is something so amazing about watching two people pledge their lives to each other.  It is even more touching when you have an eternal commitment and perspective, but even those that are "til death us do part" are pretty incredible.  We had the privilege of attending a wedding over Easter Weekend.  And to make it even more special, it was the wedding of my Father-in-Law. 

I lost my mother in 2001, and seeing what my Dad went through after that...I was so glad when he found MaryLou and married her.  She isn't Mom, but she definitely fills a void in my family and is so good for my Dad - and I hope he's good for her too :)  After seeing what Dad went through though, I wondered if I wanted to get that close to someone.  So close that when they are no longer there, your world is broken.  I think that is one of the saddest things in this world - to lose a mate.  Ernest had to work a little bit when we started dating, to help me to not be so afraid of a relationship.  It's been a slow growing process to deal with that fear. 

Ernest lost his mother in 2005.  Last year his dad met a wonderful lady named JoAnn, and they followed the normal course of a relationship - just over a year later they got married.  We were able to go to Estes Park, Colorado over Easter weekend to attend the wedding.  It was a beautiful service, a rockin' reception, with lots of visiting and site-seeing thrown in between.

Estes Park is gorgeous. I hadn't been there before. And it snowed, but without being too cold. Tons of animals everywhere - mule deer, elk, and coyotes to name the big ones.  I had totally forgotten that The Stanley Hotel is in Estes Park too.  Gorgeous!  I wanted to go on a Ghost Tour there, but you have to get reservations a week or more in advance.  We did walk around the grounds a bit and take some pictures though.

I suppose I should mention that we left the kids at home. That's right, we had a weekend sans children. First time since before Ally was born. It was a hard decision for me. Hannah and Ryan had volunteered to stay at our house and watch the kids for us so we could go. So incredibly generous of them! Especially with Hannah being 12 weeks or so along with their own first child. I'm still nursing Jacob so I had to take my pump and take care of business every 4 hours or so. With Ally I struggled with my milk supply so I felt guilty dumping the milk. Luckily I had enough extra from the previous couple of months that Jacob was able to have frozen milk all weekend. I kept going back and forth between being glad we left them at home (no naps to worry about, crankiness, bedtimes, or finding a place to nurse) and sorry that we left them (family we hadn't seen in over a year only getting to see pictures of the kids).  It was great to have a weekend to just focus on ourselves, but truthfully it was 1 night too long (we were gone for 2).  I could do it again for 1 night.

So, we hadn't met JoAnn before our arrival there.  We met her as they were checking into the YMCA the afternoon before the wedding.  I immediately got a good feeling about her when I introduced myself.  She seemed so excited.  What bride wouldn't be, I guess.  But it was still fun to see her excitement.  Dad (we both call each other's parents Mom & Dad) seemed so happy too.  That was great to see.

I met a ton more of Ernest's family - some of whom he hadn't seen in years.  It was fun to meet so many more people and put faces with names.  And it was great to see the folks that I had met on previous occasions and exchange stories and catch up.  I love Ernest's family. 

We did some sightseeing around Estes Park, going up to the Stanley Hotel and walking along the main strip.  We stopped at a fudge shoppe (had to try it!), and Penelope's, which apparently has the #1 burger in Estes Park.  We got an elk burger, which tasted better than I thought it would.  We stopped at an antique store that specialized in jewelry and coins (we window shop at antique stores whenever we can).  So cool!  My favorites there were some jewelry from ancient Egypt and Greece.  And books.  I love old books.  I enjoy thinking about who wrote them, who purchased them, who read them, and where these books have been to get to this specific place.  One thing that was kind of funny, we went to dinner with a bunch of the family on Friday night.  That was cool, but guess where we went - Dave's BBQ.  The family that suggested it seemed a bit awkward when they found out I was a native Kansas Citian.  It was pretty good though. 

The service as in a little church that masqueraded as a fancy log cabin.  I enjoyed the service.  They went all out.  I wasn't sure what to expect since it was a 2nd marriage for both of them, and they are both in their 60's.  But JoAnn (now Mom) had a beautiful wedding dress, Dad looked great in his tux, and they had two of the grandkids act as flower girl and ring bearer.  Ian is our nephew and is so cute.  I was trying to catch a picture of him as he peeked around Kevin, the best man, legs.  I finally got a couple, but got a surprise in the second one.  I guess he was getting tired and started fidgeting with the front of his pants.  He was so cute and funny.  We did pictures, then headed over to the reception at the YMCA. 

There was a lovely dinner, and then I got to dance with Ernest.  It's only happened a handful of times, and generally at wedding receptions.  The first time we danced together (other than the silly jaunt around the kitchen during our engagement) was at our reception.  One of the things we want to do in the future is take a ballroom dancing class together.

Even though I hadn't had to get up the night before to feed a baby, I was still pretty pooped by the time we were done at the reception.  I went to bed while Ernest stayed up and visited more with his family.  The next morning the kids did an Easter egg hunt in the lodge, and then we all went to breakfast together.  From there we headed out to the Stanley Hotel with Ricki, Donn, and Ian before Ernest and I had to get to the airport.

When we got home, Ally met us at the door with a big, "My mama HERE.  My Dada HERE."  It was so sweet.  Jacob gave me big smiles and snuggles.  Since we hadn't done anything with Easter baskets, we did them that evening and Ernest and Ally colored eggs while Jacob and I sat at the table with them.  It was a lovely evening.  We had a great time in Colorado, but I was so glad to get home and have my family all together again.

Being a Parent

The other day I was dropping Ally and Jacob off at Jane's house in the morning.  I was standing in the kitchen (near the foyer) talking with Jane, when it got quiet and I heard someone cry.  I thought Ally had maybe gone upstairs and was scared or something.  I walked into the foyer, and saw her outside, trying to open the door.  The poor girl was too short to open the door from the outside because of the step, though she could open it from inside just fine.  She was crying so hard.  It still breaks my heart to remember it.  I ran out and picked her up and cuddled her.  She stopped crying pretty quickly, but her face was all red and she had tear tracks down her face.  That was one of the hardest mornings to leave her and go to work.  My poor baby girl.  That night we talked about Grown-ups, and how she can only go outside if a grown-up is with her, and who was a grown-up and who wasn't.  She hasn't done it again.  I hope that she won't.

It made me think though.  How often are we scared or desperate or sad or feel abandoned?  Standing outside the door, crying out for help, trying to help ourselves, but simply unable to fix it.  I think that it happens very easily, even to those of us that have more knowledge.  It made me think of those of us that have those feelings, and how our Heavenly Father must feel for us.  As soon as I saw that Ally was upset and scared, my heart ached for her.  I wanted to take away the fear let her know it was okay. 

I was praying on my way to work, and started to ask for that for her - for her to have that fear be gone.  But then I thought that this was a learning opportunity and that the fear could be for her good, so that maybe she won't do it again.  We've all heard stories about children wandering streets and often getting hurt because they get outside by themselves.  Maybe she'll remember that fear and not do it again.  So, I changed my prayer to ask for comfort for her that she'd know I loved her and won't ever leave her, to help calm the fear, but not to take it away.  What must our Heavenly Father feel?  So many of his children crying out in fear, sadness, or whatever.  Heavenly Father knows the end from the beginning, but I still think it must be hard to see us suffer. 

Probably nothing profound in this for anyone reading it, but it made my relationship with Heavenly Father a little more personal to me, as well as reminded me of what our Father does for us - through the gift of His Son and the Holy Ghost.  I would do anything to protect, teach, and help my children know I love them more than anything and that I am here for them.  Our Heavenly Father is the same, just on an eternal (and all-knowing) scale.