In the light of day

I hate how emotional (and hormonal) I get.  I used to think that I was pretty stable, patient, and easy-going.  Then I had kids.  I have all sorts of stories running through my head right now, but I'll shorten up to why at 2:00 this morning I wanted to document this thought.  A warning here - I will probably jump around a little bit.  I am sleep deprived and also in a hurry to type this up before Jacob wakes up, or my conscience gets on me because I haven't tried cleaning anything yet.  Heck, I'm still in my pajamas.  Anyway, back to the subject.

If you ask me between the hours of midnight and 7 am if we are going to have more kids - the answer is a resounding NO.  I have always loved my sleep.  I can't get enough of it.  I will shamelessly sleep in whenever I get the chance.  But - Then I had kids.  I feel silly for saying it now, at 10:30 in the morning when the sun is shining, the house is quiet with Jacob blissfully snoring on the couch in the living room.  But last night at 11 when he wouldn't stop crying because his poor tummy was hurting or this morning at 2 and then 5 when he is crying and I get up to go feed the little monster ("monster" is said now with a lot of affection) - I admit that I wonder what the heck I'm doing.  This is the one time when I hate breastfeeding.  Ernest and I used to joke when Ally was an infant that someone should invent boobs that Dad could strap on and nurse.  I am giving the idea serious thought again. 

Anyway.  When I don't get enough sleep I get cranky - plain and simple.  Which I hate.  Lori used to tease me by saying that I wasn't supposed to be perfect and to ease up.  I'd tell her that I hadn't gotten that memo yet.  So, in the middle of the night I start questioning why we decided to have children in the first place, and how I survived having Ally.  With Ally I wondered if I would survive.  I think about other mothers that I know and think that they are heroes.  I think of those with more than one child (my mom had six.  SIX) and label them as superwomen and think of them in awe. 

During the day time, I get to play with Allyson (she tinkled in the potty for the first time his morning!!!  I was so proud!) and cuddle her and listen to her say "Noo Noo" (I love you).  She proudly names off colors and counts in the wrong order and runs to give me a big hug the first time that I see her.  I get to cuddle Jacob, and watch his expressions.  I get the satisfaction of knowing that I am nursing him and taking care of him in a way that most can't.  I get to look forward to having a boy in the family and imagine how he and Ally are going to torment each other in the coming years.  I imagine having more kids and what it'll be like when they are allover the age of 5 and their own people and interacting together as a family.

In short, I love my kiddos and enjoy them.  If you ask me now, I'll say, yeah, I think we might have some more.
 
Until 11:00pm rolls around again.  Now that I think about it, it's really not that bad.  Oh, and Jacob is starting to fuss.  Off to fulfill my "mom-ly" duties.